I feel like retreating again.
There’s a lot of emotions coming out of the woods and it’s a lot easier to just fall back into old habits.
I know I’m worth it. I know I’m such an amazing person. But sometimes, I don’t feel like I am. These feelings and emotions aren’t necessarily true because we’re the ones who give meaning to them. I just feel stuck right now.
I am doing the work. I’ve been dancing, singing, exercising, and taking care of myself…I guess old habits do die hard.
It’s okay though. It’s a process. Everything’s gonna be okay.
I was gonna say I’m not perfect but I caught myself and remembered something I’ve heard or maybe watched…If God made you in his perfect image, who are you to doubt that? So, I’ll just say, I’m perfectly me. I’m not nobody else. I’m me and that’s great. (I was gonna say fine but my inner voice said great so it’s great)
One thing I have been struggling with a bit is the concept of self-love and pouring into my own cup. I do, do it in some way shape or form. I just really gotta move through this phase. And it’s time for me to take charge and accountability for my life, my actions, and my heart.
Other people’s opinions of you is not your burden to carry. It’s none of your business.
I have been in that energy still. Most of the time I don’t really care about what others think of me but there are times that it gets to me especially when it’s the people that I care about (and sometimes, even the people that I don’t).
I’m still working through my own worth and self-image and I have been falling back into thoughts and feelings that don’t really serve me or my highest good. Sometimes, I just need a big slap across the face (metaphorically speaking) to wake up and realize that I’m the one creating these false images in my head because I don’t really think this way towards others. Yet, I’m so hard on myself.
Note to Self: You can’t live life imprisoning yourself with negative thoughts about you. You are enough and you are capable of great things.
I should really talk to myself in a way that I would towards other people when they’re in this space. See myself as a friend, a lover, a person that I cherish so much, and then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t think too badly about myself.
‘Cause I would usually uplift people. And come to think of it, it actually hurts when they say negative things about themselves ‘cause I see so much potential in them (I don’t know why they couldn’t see it, too)
Okay…I just thought about an experiment I can do. I’ll be asking my friends and family…How do you see me?
Let’s see how this goes.
Personally, it’s not about boosting my ego or destroying it, I would actually love to know what the closest people I have in my life right now think of me. It’s more of confirming my theory that people don’t really think of you or see you in a negative way and most of the time, you’re the only one that basically thinks that way about yourself.
The love that you’re looking for is inside you ‘cause nobody will ever love you exactly the way you want to be loved. That’s your responsibility, not theirs.
In the past years, I’ve been seeking and looking out for the kind of love that fills you up. The kind that nurtures you. The kind of love that lasts. And only these past few days I’ve really been able to realize that, that kind of love is the love that I need to give myself.
I can’t give that responsibility to someone else because at the end of the day, it’s me, my body, my thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I spend all of my seconds, minutes and hours with throughout the day.
Of course, being able to share that kind love with someone else would be amazing so, until that day comes, loving myself is more than enough.
To the one reading this…I pray that you heal. I pray that you find beauty in all that internal mess. And I pray that you find the love that you’ve always wanted in yourself. Keep going. Keep smiling. Keep living your best life.
I love you!
With much love and gratitude,
Jennie
