Been having great conversations (some deep ones) with a dear friend of mine and it got me thinking.
The experiences I’ve had throughout my life has truly shaped me to become the person I am today – the good, and especially, the “bad” ones.
When I look back, it’s those moments that challenged me and gave me a new perspective in life. It’s in those moments that I realized…I wouldn’t have been able to experience all these other beautiful things and meet such amazing people. It’s in those moments where I got to choose whether to back down or stand back up.
And don’t get me wrong, there were times when I thought that I wouldn’t be able to get past some things, but I did, and I’m grateful for that. Some days, I chose not to be seen, to hide, to downplay myself because I didn’t think others would appreciate the real me. That I wasn’t worth it.
The beauty of it all though, is the time when I realized, enough is enough. When I decided that I didn’t want to be stuck in that place anymore, it opened a lot of doors.
I want to help. I want to do more. I know I can do more. And I’m destined for more.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect the dots looking back.
That quote right there is so true for me ’cause I didn’t know what to do during my dark days. It was quite hard for me to pull myself out of it. But eventually, when I started to do things that I love, when I started to surround myself with people that were also working on themselves, and when I started to accept my flaws, my insecurities, and my capabilities, I found beauty in the dark spaces, and felt gratitude for the pain.
I didn’t then, but I do now. ‘Cause those things helped me become the person I am today. It didn’t make sense during that time ’cause sometimes, I even asked myself and God, why me? Looking back, they actually make sense now. ‘Cause in some messed up way, they all led me to where I am today.
I wouldn’t want anyone to experience the amount of pain I’ve experienced in the past, especially with relationships. And I wouldn’t even want the people that hurt me experience those things.
I am grateful though, ’cause even those times brought me so much joy at some point. And at the end of the day, it’s what we make out of those experiences that makes a difference.
You’ll find beauty in the dark spaces when you continue to choose life, love and gratitude – reflect, learn, and choose to be grateful despite the pain.
Life is not all rainbows and butterflies as they say, and that’s true. And I think we can actually find the beauty in the challenges we face, the heartaches, and the pain we experience.
An Open Letter from my Heart to Yours
I’m proud of you! I’m proud of the person you chose to become. I’m proud that you didn’t let your past experiences define you. You are amazing. You are loved. You are seen. You are worth it and I love you to bits.
I know it’s not my responsibility to “fix” you. And I only say that because I’ve had similar experiences in the past where I tried to be there for people. I tried to help them be better and lift them up because I saw that the space they were in was really dark. I loved them so much that I was willing to pour from my empty cup. And now I know that wasn’t the best way to do it because I eventually lost myself in the process.
And come to think of it, they weren’t really willing to get out of those spaces yet. They weren’t willing to actually put in the work. I understand why ’cause I know it’s uncomfortable getting out of your comfort zone. But I saw their potential, and I knew that they had it in them. I guess I just wasn’t the right person for them to actually realize that and inspire them to take action. And that’s okay. I do pray that someday they find peace and the right person to help them with it.
I’m still figuring out who I really am, who I want to become, and what I want to put out there to help and inspire others. I do feel at peace and good though. I’m still a work in progress and I think that’s always gonna be the case ’cause I’m always growing and evolving each and every day.
And I’m actually proud of myself for that. And I love myself for it, too. I’ve grown quite a lot, not in size, but in mind, spirit and heart.
I poured my heart out to people who didn’t deserve it but probably needed it and I wouldn’t change that for the world.
Everything happens for a reason.
The thing is, it’s not like that with you. You’re not someone for me to “fix”. In contrary, you’re actually the one helping me reflect and see things in a more positive lens. You bring out parts of me that I’ve locked away, not to cause me pain, but to actually process and heal them. You pick up those broken pieces and help me put them back together, not to go back and relive them, but to actually see the beauty in them.
It reminds me of a Japanese method called Kintsugi where they repair broken pottery by mending it with some sort of mixture with gold. It not only restores the object but it also enhances its beauty by highlighting the repaired areas with gold, turning the scars into a part of the design. This method treats the breakage and repair as part of the object’s history and value, and in turn, making it a lot more valuable than it originally was.
A little fun fact for you right there. Just googled it, too. LoL
I appreciate you to bits and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. I want to give you a big hug because that’s one of the best ways I can show you how grateful I am that you came into my life. You’ve brought in light that’s pretty rare to see and I feel so blessed that you’re willing to share that light with me.
All these words don’t bring justice to the amount of gratitude I have for you right now. We’ve only met recently but it doesn’t even feel like that.
I don’t know what the future holds, all I know is that in this moment, right here, right now, I’m free to express myself without having the fear of judgment. And every time we talk, it doesn’t feel like you’re taking anything from me, and instead you’re actually filling up my cup.
Sooooo…thank you, thank you, thank you.
You make things so easy to talk about. You hold a safe space. You support some of my crazy requests and ideas. And that’s how I know that you’re absolutely special in more ways than I can say or put into words, for a fact.
And when you’re going through some things, even if you don’t want to talk about it, do know that I’m here – ready to talk about random things, laugh like there’s no tomorrow, and just enjoy each other’s company. I know I won’t be able to help you “fix” whatever it is that you’re going through. All I want is to light up your mood and to let you know that I see you, I feel you, and I’m here for you.
I love you!
With so much love and gratitude,
Jennie
